A celebration of growth! 🥳

My little baby turned 1 this month. I can hardly believe it, he just got here! He’s also started walking all over the place, running after his brother, misjudging distance and bonking into walls. It’s added a new level of chaos to the household.

His birthday is only about a week after Christmas and with the chaos of the holidays, it felt really crazy to host a birthday party. My first born is a summer birthday, so we’ve always just had a casual gathering outside and it’s usually just been with family. As a pandemic baby, he also didn’t have as many friends as we have now that he is in 3K. When he turned 1, we were going to have a party in Central Park and we invited a lot of people. We ordered a cake from Costco and everything was set. One friend was coming up from Philly and bringing his newborn. So as a precaution, I took a COVID test the day before. And whaddya know, I was positive for COVID (symptoms set in later that night). It was our first time getting COVID, I’d been extremely careful during my pregnancy and my son’s first year. I worked remotely and didn’t go anywhere inside without a mask. To this day, I don’t know where I caught it from. Needless to say, we quickly cancelled the party and began isolating. I was a mix of disappointed and relieved. It felt all-too-familiar, since the last big event we’d planned was our wedding, which we also cancelled because of COVID.

But big parties and lots of logistics are stressful, and my social anxiety usually makes it difficult for me to enjoy them anyway. I isolated for a couple days but one by one my husband and 1 year old also tested positive.

A drawing of trying to mother while isolating with COVID.

I set up a little party in our apartment for my son, with presents and decorations and an enormous cake that we had to devour. It was lovely and we never did have a big 1st year party for him.

All this to say, I didn’t feel like it was particularly important to me to have a big party for baby #2’s first birthday. But our building has a community room, and we actually have community now, and we decided to rent it, get pizza, decorations, and cake and have a party in the cold dark days of January.

The entire 2 weeks leading up to the party, I wavered about whether to go through with it or cancel it. Was I just creating work and stress for myself? Would anyone want to come out in the freezing cold right after the new year? Why am I spending more money right after the holidays? I fretted about having a clever theme, finally accepting that any decorations were better than none.

A drawing I made when my first son was turning 1.

But, friend, we held the party. It was nothing fancy, just toys we brought down from the apartment and more than 20 infants and 3 year olds running around with each other while parents mingled. We set it up in the morning and were done (and exhausted) by naptime. And let me say. It was awesome. Even though I didn’t feel like I really got to talk to anyone in depth, I didn’t know how gratifying it would be just to SEE all the people showing up for my little guy, and for us. Unbundling their kids who trekked out in the 20 degree weather, and high fiving our kids. It made me feel like, “I’m a real parent now because I’ve found other parents.”

We’ve put effort into not going through parenthood alone and right in front of me I could see all the love coming right back to us. I’m so glad I didn’t cancel the party - sometimes it’s really hard to know what will drain and what will give you energy. While we were out of energy that day, the party gave me a kind of longer lasting energy and knowledge that we are doing it, we are growing up and planting roots. And, I could have, and hopefully will learn that I can ask for help.

Happy first birthday, to my littlest guy. We love you so much. (And it’s not your fault you were born right after Christmas!)

Have a great week,

Molly

P.S. Know any expecting moms who want to feel seen and supported? Send them a copy of my book, One Drawn Out Pregnancy and tell them I’ll be sending more free resources to my email list!

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