Self-sabotage or self-help?
Last week, I wrote about slowing down. Honestly, it feels like hard work for me. I’ve been reflecting on why that is—why I feel the need to constantly move, do, make, and share. I think a lot of it comes down to self-judgment and insecurity. Do you ever feel like you need to prove your worth, to yourself or to others? I always feel behind. Even as a child, I remember studying a children’s encyclopedia before social events, just in case someone asked me how electricity works.
Over the past few years, my reading habits have split into two genres: fiction and self-help. After finishing my PhD, my advisor gifted me a fiction book and said, “Now that you have time to read novels again.” That stuck with me, and I’ve since escaped into fictional worlds far removed from my own. But I realized I was still reading non-fiction—just not the “reputable” kind I once valued. I actively denied it! I didn’t log self-help, personal development, or entrepreneurial books in my reading lists. I told myself they didn’t count, even as I devoured them.
Why? At first I thought I was judging the books and the self-help industry (which, don’t get me wrong, can be incredibly predatory and toxic). But really, I was judging myself. I judged myself for not being “better already,” for seeking guidance, for listening to strangers who might just be trying to sell me books. I also watched the self-help genre shift as more millennial women entered midlife, seeking the kind of advice once reserved for ambitious young men.
I’ve always struggled to ask for help, believing I should already know what everyone else seems to know. Should, should, should. Leaving those books off my reading log was a symptom of my shame about where I felt I was in life. But seeking self-improvement, guidance, and control over your path isn’t shameful. It’s human. (And that’s also why it’s a huge industry.)
I have a vivid memory of walking in the park last winter, my newborn strapped to my chest, napping as I listened to Write It Down, Make It Happen. Even now, my cheeks burn sharing this. The book’s premise is simple: writing down your dreams and goals can help you achieve them. It’s not magic, but it’s about giving yourself permission to dream and identify the steps to get there.
During that walk, I felt inspired. I could barely wait for my little one’s next nap so I could draft an email to a local businesswoman, pitching an idea for a prenatal anxiety workshop. I was terrified—and then thrilled when she responded with interest, immediately helping me put my idea into place. Without that book nudging me to “go for it,” I might have spent months overthinking. Preparing for and running the workshop wasn’t easy (maybe because I was only 2-3 months postpartum!), but life is made of little brave moments like these and I learned so much from that experience.
So, I’m owning it now. Here are some of my favorite self-help books (I use the term loosely):
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert (for creativity and finding magic in the world)
Write It Down, Make It Happen by Henriette Klauser (take what resonates—you don’t need to be religious to appreciate its core message)
The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron (a classic for creatives)
Atomic Habits by James Clear (another classic for building better habits)
It’s actually hard for me to come up with this list because I didn’t make notes of what I read! I also read more specific books about self-publishing and marketing my book that may not feel relevant to this list. I’m happy to share those resources if you’re interested. And now that I’ve confessed my reading habit, I will share when I come across inspiring, non-scammy reads.
And in the spirit of slowing down and reading for pleasure, here are my favorite novels that I’ve read in the last 2 years:
Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin
Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt
I Hope This Finds You Well by Natalie Sue
Wish You Were Here by Jodi Picoult
Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi
The Sweet Spot by Amy Poeppel
I’m still thinking about slowing down, why it’s so hard, and how to do it. I hope you’re all going easy on yourselves these days.
With love,
Molly
P.S. I really do love to hear from you so send me a note if any of this strikes a chord or you have a reaction to what I’ve written today. I’d also love to hear your stories about seeking fulfillment and seeking out help. Email me!
